


harmony harmony oh love

by Vintar



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7307611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vintar/pseuds/Vintar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wreckage of Helios, Vaughn finds a novelty coffee mug and the last survivor of a tyrannical regime. One of these is slightly more problematic than the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	harmony harmony oh love

One of the first tasks that Vaughn sets for the Helios refugees– after picking them up, tending to their wounds, and, in more than one case, making them blow their noses– is making them sort through the rubble for salvage. It needs to be done, despite the emotional toll. More than one person drops to their knees and weeps, broken computers clutched to their chests. Their co-workers pat them on the back, murmuring consoling things about moving on and one day collecting all new folders of cat photos.

He’s moderating a heated discussion over the only intact coffee mug when the cry goes up. He leaves the parties bickering over the _You Don’t Have To Be Homicidal To Work Here But It Helps!!!_ mug and clambers over the smashed remains of what used to be quite a pleasant office kitchen to find–

Oh. Hmm.

Butt Stallion twitches her hooves, pinned underneath a chunk of collapsed statue. Her horns glitter sadly in the sun, her long translucent eyelashes batting weakly over her limpid crystal eyes. There’s a ring of people surrounding her, too nervous to get closer.

Despite the crash, however, she looks… okay. All shiny princess facets present and accounted for. Vaughn cautiously approaches her, a raised hand and an ‘easy, girl’ letting her know he means no harm.

He eyes the statue, does some quick thinking.“Okay, I’m pretty sure if we all pitch in, we can get this off of her. Ready?”

A quick look around him reveals that no, the others are not ready. In fact, they look like helping is the furthest thing from their minds.

“That thing was _His_ trophy,” someone from HR says, stepping up. “Just another thing to rub in our faces!”

There’s a murmur of murderous agreement.

“Death to management! And their ponies!”

“Let’s smash his toys!”

“Freedom from all things Handsome!”

The mob may be brandishing rolled-up motivational posters and broken bits of wheely computer chairs, but it’s still a mob. Vaughn jams two fingers in his mouth, and whistles. The noise cuts through the crowd’s muttering, and reverberates off of Butt Stallion, her diamond body ringing like a wine glass.

“You should all be ashamed of yourselves!” he shouts. “She was just as much a tool as each and every one of you. Should we kill the accountants for filling his evil coffers? Should we kill the receptionists for scheduling his evil appointments? Should we smash the roombas for cleaning his evil floors?”

At that, the mob lets out a noise of pure dismay. 

Vaughn rolls his eyes. “Besides, she’s made of freakin’ diamond. How exactly did you think were you going to kill her?”

“We were gonna google it,” the guy from HR mutters, but without any conviction. There’s a shuffling of feet, the mob’s vigilante fervour replaced by mild embarrassment.

Right. Vaughn places his hands against the giant smirking face of the fallen statue (okay, _way creepy_ ), and braces himself. Closing his eyes, he pushes as hard as he can, sending a silent prayer to the gods of office gym equipment.

The crowd watches in a hush, then gasps obediently as Handsome Jack’s face crashes to the side, copping a faceful of Pandoran dirt. On cue, they all clap politely.

Butt Stallion gets to her majestic feet, not a scratch on her. Vaughn wipes the sweat from his brow, then the sweat from his abs. “Go on, girl,” he says. “Go, be happy. You’re free now.”

Butt Stallion looks back over her shoulder, locking eyes with him. For a moment he thinks he sees a look of gratitude in her shiny crystal face.

Then the sun, refracted perfectly through her giant diamond body, sets fire to the guy from HR.

“Isn’t nature beautiful?” Vaughn says over the screams, and watches her disappear into the distance with a twinkle.


End file.
